Q: Are you a cartoon cat photographer or a photographer of cartoon cats?
A: I am a cartoon cat who happens to be a photographer. I do not photograph cats, cartoon or otherwise. Most of my subjects are landscapes or natural objects, with some exceptions. To be clear, I am a cartoon cat photographer and not a photographer of cartoon cats, if you see the distinction I am trying to elucidate.
Q: Can I hire Twee Cat to photograph my wedding?
A: I don’t do weddings, but I would be more than happy to photograph your divorce. Kindly let me know the intended date of your wedding, I will add a year and three months and put you down in my calendar for then.
Q: What kind of a cat is Twee Cat (i.e. Tabby, Calico, Siamese, etc.) ?
A: I am a black and white cat. I’m a little fluffy.
Q: Is that you in the liner notes to the ‘Fountain Island‘ compilation?
A: No, that isn’t me, but I look a bit like that.
Q: Where can I buy a sweater of the sort which Twee Cat wears for my own feline friend?
A: Nowhere. My sweater is a bespoke item woven by fairies, Narada, and other various magical creatures. Moreover, I can save you some time and effort by telling you that your cat does not want to wear a sweater or any other item of clothing, be it Twee Cat related or otherwise. Please do not afflict this particular experience on any feline acquaintances you may or may not have, or know at least that you do not do so with my blessing. Let me make this absolutely explicit – I categorically forbid you to dress any cat up as me. There. I wash my hands of the whole business. Also, Narada is generally too busy to be making a ton of random sweaters.
Q: What kind of camera do you use?
A: I use a wide variety of vintage and classic cameras. I prefer to use ones which employ as few electronic parts as possible, in part because these tend to have a robust build but also because the feel of using them is more organic than modern cameras. One feels and hears the shutter fire in a way which is no longer quite the case in modern cameras. They are also more temperamental, which, although it can lead a cat to occasional frustration, also lends the photographs they produce a quality unique to each individual camera. I tend to label each photograph I post with the camera, the film and the lens used if at all possible, although I may not always choose to include this information if I wish to keep my magical secrets hidden from the general internet faring population.
Q: My relative, friend, or favorite celebrity is recently deceased. Will Funkie Ghost raise them from the dead, convey an important message to or from them, or otherwise communicate with them for me?
A: Funkie Ghost does not choose to use his powers for such trivialities. He mostly uses them to obtain gambling tips or for minor comedic effect. Please consult a locally certified medium, water diviner, life coach, psychiatrist, or other miscellaneous charlatan instead. They will almost certainly be able to help you.
Q: Why are you so poorly drawn?
A: Don’t ask so many questions, just go with it.