The Prophecy of the King of the Marmosets:
I’ve been told that conspiracy theories are very popular these days. Here’s a wonderful new conspiracy theory for you. You’re reading it on the internet, which means it is certainly true.
When I was younger, I used to make fire offerings, and I learned the language of sigils that insects use to write their secrets underneath the bark of dead wood.
The most amazing prophecy I read at that time was that David Bowie will rise from the grave and become King of the Marmosets, who he will lead to conquer the entire known universe by the end of 2023.
This will absolutely occur.
I can only add that this is a significantly less outlandish prognostication than many others which I have read or heard described in the genre of internet conspiracy theories.